Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
