was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
