I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
