it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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