I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Someone signed my nipple.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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