You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
