Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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