Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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