Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
