As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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