She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
