And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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