i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
