am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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