Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
