Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads