just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.