Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
