i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?