Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.