dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
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