Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
