I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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