i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
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I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
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Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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