Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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