I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
