I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
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Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
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This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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