so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
