worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
