dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
