Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
