My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
