So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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