oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
