I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
