I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
