Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
