I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
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I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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