road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I want her autograph on my taint
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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