you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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