im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
