Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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