I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
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she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
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That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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