walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
