im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Sext me about skeletons
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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