Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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