I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Fuck appropriateness.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
