just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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