you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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