what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
