Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
