I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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