I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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