How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
