True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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