Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Randomize
