I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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