she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
