Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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