I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
