also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
