Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Hippo gnu deer
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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