I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The beer is more important than you right now.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
