Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
