im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
