smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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