How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I wish there were birth control emojis
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
