Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
