Whod you bang
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
