You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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