you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize