I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Someone signed my nipple.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
