She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
