Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
