perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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