Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
